Wednesday, July 17, 2013


The other day I was thinking about the elusiveness of LOVE.

It's such a four letter word.

And oh MY is it over used.  "I love cats."  I love pizza."  "I love sunny days and long walks on the beach..."

There's nothing wrong with any of it.  There's nothing wrong with love itself. 

One of the dictionary definitions of love:  "a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person."  

I don't know that love is really definable, but I'm glad had some semblance of a definition for the purpose of this post.  Can we really define LOVE??

We say 'I LOVE YOU' to a ton of people in our lives and that's awesome!  It definitely beats rampant animosity and acidic slanders flung to one another from the mountain tops.

We love, we get our hearts broken.  We don't love and our hearts don't get to open and shine.  We love too much, we love too little.  Love is a quagmire that none of us are meant to figure out and say: AHA!  I have solved all things love and THIS is how it is, people!

That's not gonna happen.

But HOW do we love another person?

Is it a flutter in our belly?  A physical response to their essence?  Is it mental?

Back to my own love thought meanderings from the other day.  I heard once--a while ago--something about how difficult unconditional love is, etc.

Well.  Love is so much, in fact, a conditional condition.

Most of the time, we love IF.

"I love her IF she doesn't lie to me."
"I love him IF he doesn't cheat on me."
"I'd love him more IF he didn't hit me."
"I'd love her more IF she didn't dress like that."
"I'd love myself more IF I could just lose 12 more pounds."
"I'd love myself more IF I could make more money."

Get the picture here?  Love IF.  WE ALL DO IT!!  HA!  That's the comedy.  I've done this a million times in all of my wrong relationships and I've done this to myself.  This IF love is an ass kicker.  And it's not just significant others, it's in our every day friendships.

So what would happen if we used "Because?"

"I love her BECAUSE she's honest."
"I love him BECAUSE he treats me well."
"I love him BECAUSE he is so incredibly kind."
"I love her BECAUSE she has such an original and unique way of dressing."
"I love myself BECAUSE my body is mine and I appreciate it's every function."
"I love myself BECAUSE I am living the life I am meant to be living and it's awesome."

When we are in relationships that are right for us--whether they are friendships or something more intimate--it's all about the BECAUSE.

Let's really look at LOVE and the gravity that comes through when we mean what we say.  It's heavy duty and light as a feather, at the same time.  If we don't wrap our intellect around it, it can become a wild and vicious monster that gets us into crazy trouble.

When intellect leads LOVE, it becomes about BECAUSE.  Never IF.

IF you're anything like I used to be, most of your relationships are LOVE IF.  How is that feeding you? How are you being true and feeding the other person if you're "IFF-ING" them to death?  To whom is IF fair?

Where is the intellect with IF??!

We may never get LOVE figured out or really defined, but holy smokes we can make it be a better, stronger and more positive addition to our lives.

Let's get crazy together.  Let's love each other BECAUSE.


Michelle Tomlinson

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