Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Wait!! What About My Peeps?!??!!?

If there's a topic that's hot and trending right now with everyone I've been speaking with, it's been RELATIONSHIPS.

I don't necessarily mean relationships as in the "Hubba Hubba" kind.  Although, this could certainly relate to those as well.

We have relationships with everyone around us.  Family, spouses, girlfriends, boyfriends, best friends, 'chosen family,' and acquaintances.  When we are checking out at the grocery--we have a relationship, in that moment, with the human working the register.

And a lot of us tend to call large groups of people "Friends."  Sure, there are different groups and different types of friends in our lives.  We have the friends we can spend hours with, sitting in a coffee shop until our butts hurt, talking about our entire lives at the current moment.  We have the friends we can have endless hours of small talk with and still never really know well.

And then there's the group of humans that don't feed us the way we feed them--spiritually.

Sometimes we just have to "clean house."

If we examine the relationships we have with each person in our lives, can we honestly say they are all healthy?  Can we honestly say that EVERY person in our phone contact list (that isn't restaurant delivery) is someone who'll never judge us for doing something silly or that they'll keep their grill shut if we impart an important piece of information to them?  

It's not that I think we NEED to have that close of relationship with everyone, but I think it's crucial we understand who each person is to us and how we move forward with that information.

I know I've had countless moments of frustration when a friend isn't coming through the way I'd hoped or that every time I speak to someone my ear is about to bleed to death listening to their constant stream of negative chatter.  It's important to be there for people, we all need someone to talk to when all hell breaks loose in our lives.  There's a difference between all hell breaking loose for a minute and choosing a life of hell and then choosing to complain about it FOR every moment.

I've learned that frustration comes from when I'm not getting my own way. I've also learned that there are some people I am an amazing friend to that aren't necessarily amazing back to me when I need to lean on them.  And that's OK.

The silver lining is knowing EXACTLY the list of people we can call 'the real deal peeps.'   The real deal peeps in my life vary in age, tax bracket, race, gender and religious beliefs.  I am the luckiest girl on the planet to have the friends that I am blessed to have.

Figuring out who the real deal peeps in our life are is not an easy task.  But they're there.  They're the ones who will phone you and maybe talk about a distressing moment they're having then REMEMBER to ask YOU how you're doing and have open dialogue.  They're the ones you can sit and be silent with and there's no need to fill the silence with useless chatter, because you're simply on the same page.  They're the ones who will take a picture of something ridiculous and text to it to you, just to say hello.  You get the point.  They're the ones who are there and that you can return the favor by being there for them.

All the rest, as difficult as it may be sometimes, don't qualify to be part of the real deal peeps.  And sometimes we have to move on from those people in order to protect ourselves.  The momentary pang of sadness our spirit goes through when we feel the loss of what used to be is soon filled with undeniable clarity.

Clarity brings light to peace.  And peace brings light to healthy and lifelong relationships.  None of us deserve to live in darkness, and we can choose to spread a little light in our own lives by spring cleaning the toxicity of our own mental disparagement. 

Michelle Tomlinson


  1. You learn who has your back in the military real fast.Excellent post.

    1. That you do, I can only imagine! Thank you, Tom. :)

  2. You have such a nice way with words. "cleaning house" is never easy. Especially when its a friend that you hold in high regard. Having a healthy life is hard to make happen when others are the cause and you have to let go.
    Anyway, I love your posts! Thank you for reminding me to be a better human.

    1. Thank you so much!! Cheers to giving ourselves the lives we deserve. ;)