|Snagged from the Interweb.. ;)|
But. For now. Here we are. And where we are, this 'here' place, is OK. There's no crisis in being here, in the present moment. Where else CAN we actually be? That's right. Nowhere. We can look back and see where we've been... We can look forward to see where we WANT to go... But we can neither go here nor there until we own up to... this moment.
Personally, this is a weird ass moment. As newlyweds, my hubby and I are rockin' it out. I could not POSSIBLY have chosen a better partner in life.
We were really hoping to take a kick ass Honeymoon to Europe and do all these fabulous things. That'll come someday! Not today, and that's ok. In March, we had set up a Honeyfund--it's an amazing site for people to give cash online to help folks have a killer Honeymoon.
One of the 8 million things this cancer nonsense changes is your priorities with money. And, again, that's ok.
(As an aside, if anyone who reads this is even CONSIDERING getting married to someone, ask yourself one question: "Is the human I want to marry someone who can be there during the dark times in life?" If you even falter with your answer, run like hell in the other direction. They're not for you. THAT is a guarantee.)
Back to the Honeyfund. We made a very easy decision. Europe will still be there, God willing, in the future and we can do Europe later. We decided to use a good chunk of that money to pay for what we lovingly call "cancer bills." Thank God I have health insurance, but don't get me started in the 8 zillion hidden bills that come flinging up out of nowhere. It's literally like "WTF cost 300 bucks??" Oooohhhh, they don't cover blood tests completely.... Ooooooooook. Good to know!
We decided to take a sweet road trip within California, including a couple free places to stay and a little Bed and Breakfast that's being covered by family--we'll get to that trip super soon and it'll be a chance for us to finally celebrate our wedded bliss on a fraction of the cost and take a much needed break from the city.
We did the math on the upcoming and possible costs of this medical quagmire and all we could say was SHIT! OK. Do we get another credit card and take that route?
Do we start hooking on Santa Monica and Vine?
|Again, snagged from the Interweb! :)|
HOW THE HELL DO PEOPLE PAY FOR THEIR MEDICAL STUFF WITH CANCER?!?!
The answer: I have no idea. I know one friend of mine who did a fundraiser that helped tremendously with her bills. I know another friend of mine who has killer insurance and somehow managed to rock it out. And yet another friend of mine had to go bananas trying to get things covered and by the hair of her tongue kept her SAG Insurance, which took decent care of her. But seriously. Until it happens to you, there is no comprehension of how things add up. (God willing it DOES NOT happen to you!)
So you're not only dealing with the craze of little cancer meebers groovin' around your body, the emotional upheaval that causes, but also the cost of paying for everything. It's a full on game changer. And how to not lose your shit while going through the whole thing?? I don't know? Yoga helps. So does having a sense of humor and keeping things light. So does constantly having something to look forward to. Sooooooooo does enjoying EVERY SINGLE MOMENT YOU LIVE.
I even sing in the car more. Be glad you're not my passenger. I'm just sayin'.
Another fine lesson this Thyroid (THE PAST) has taught me: Humility. Not to be confused with humiliation. I have nothing to be humiliated about. None of us do. Shit happens and we deal with it. It's in the HOW we deal with the shit that defines us. My Dad used to tell me: "A human can never be judged with how they deal with the good things in life. Everyone handles good very well. But you sure know who someone is when shit hits the fan."
|Thank You, Interweb!|
Humility. The humility of being brought to our knees, for whatever reason. Death, grief, sadness, anger, frustration, loneliness... Humility: the quality or condition of being humble; modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance, rank, etc.
Humility in actually having to ask for help. UGH UGH UGH.
The surrender that comes with the realization we are only in charge of soooooooo much. Surrender? Blech!
I am NOT the type of chick who easily asks for help. I'm the girl who'd rather take 8 canvas bags upstairs by herself than either
A) make two trips or B) ask anyone for help.
Long story longer...
My aforementioned homegirl Kimberly Amato has been telling me for weeks to set up a fund raising page for the cancer bills. I kept kind of blowing it off. I don't know why, except that it was probably my ego saying HEELLLLLLLLLL NO.
And then hubby and I did the math. We realized....... We're a few thousand bucks shy of being able to pay the good doctors for slitting open my sweet throat and yanking out THE PAST. Especially if I wind up having to swallow the radioactive pill and hanging in the hospital for a couple/few days.
Back to the one I refer to as Amato. The Amazing Amato and her wisdom! We had one of our fabulous skype sessions. She walked me through setting up a fundraising site. Thank God we've had some success with it. I can now pay for the "surgery admittance fee" and for the pre-op tests they do before one goes into surgery. YES.
Here it is: McT Cancer Fund
If you're someone in the same situation as myself, please........ Please make an account for yourself and seek a little bit of help. Some things are bigger than we are. And sometimes we need a little help from friends and strangers to get over the hump.
If you'd like to donate, cool! If you'd like to help by spreading the word, cool! If you think I'm insane for doing all this hoo hah, then that's cool too!
I'm choosing to go against my old tradition: Judging myself. Others will judge us plenty enough. But nobody will ever judge us as harshly as we judge ourselves.
To those who have donated already: I know who you are and I cannot possibly thank you enough. Just having you in my life is blessing unto itself, so I humbly and hugely THANK YOU.
Surrender and humility are two VERY uncomfortable emotions. Cancer has taught me to further myself with both of these things.
I only hope it never takes some bullshit like cancer for any of you to get 'here.' Take a look at yourself in the mirror. Be OK with what you see. Love that all your fingers, toes and muscles WORK, regardless of how big you are -- or how small. Take an extra moment to smile and laugh at yourself, it makes the day go a helluva lot smoother.
Take an extra moment to be kind to someone. It's no joke. You might actually change a life without even knowing it.
Take in each moment. Even if it's SHITASTIC. Take it in. Cuz here we are, man. Here we are! We are ALIVE, you and me. You know how many people wish they could say the same???
Here we are...
|Let's rise from our own ashes.|
(thank you, Interweb!)