CANCEROUS MARINATIONS.......

It's been a crazy time!

My hubby and I had our family wedding ceremony this past weekend.

Yes, during allllll the insanity of finding out I have this pesky thyroid cancer, I've been planning a huge party for my wedding and the wedding itself.  This was not without challenges.  If it wasn't for my hubby's Mom showing up super early to help execute the plans and both of our families and friends pitching in and helping, I think it would have likely been a delicious disaster.

But it was the most amazing weekend of my life.  The amount of LOVE that pulsed through every moment from us to everyone there and circled back again to us... It was beyond overwhelming.  In a good way.

My message to EVERYONE.

And during the weekend, nobody treated me like I was sick.  Of course, I got a lot of  "how are you feeling" questions, which is totally cool.  But nobody treated me like a broken little flower, which I LOVED.  This, amongst a thousand other reasons, is how I know I have finally chosen all the right people in my life to call friends and family. (Also those, of course, who weren't able to make it this weekend.) These people believe in me, even when I falter.  They all believe this cancer thing is a teensy blip in my journey of living, even when I stumble in faith.  THESE are the type of people we all need to have in our lives.  People who feed us and allow us to feed them.  Nothing beats it, nothing.

We had these little fake candle light thingies in some cool candle holders on the tables.  A few days ago, I was rifling through the box that they're in.  I noticed a light flickering.  One of the little lights was still on.  I took it outta the holder and flipped the switch to "off."  The light remained.  So I fiddled with it some more, flipping it on and off, trying to extinguish the light.  Nope.  That light was determined.   Hhhhmmmmmm....

The little light that could.

Me being the analyzing thinker that I am started thinking about this stubborn little light.

Here I am, this force MUCH larger than this little dinky light, trying like hell to extinguish it.  And there it was, this little thing, resisting me.  Granted, it's probably just the fact it's a cheap ass little light and the toggle switch isn't functioning properly, but still.

I used to live in a lot of darkness and solitude.  I have lived so much of my life in different stages of mourning and a shred of sadness and shards of anger and loss have littered my every waking moment for YEARS, because so much of my life has centered around so many people close to me dying.  I joke I've been to more funerals than weddings, but it's true.

The blessing of this thyroid cancer is getting to heal my core spirit in a way I never would have encountered otherwise.  I'm still not "healed" yet, but I am walking through times of my life with my eyes wide open.  Once I realized more than half my life has been spent in mental grief, I got to the core of what caused my thyroid go bonkers.    According to Louise Hay, one of the causes of cancer is grief.

Well, go figure.

The throat is the fifth chakra and deals with telling your truth.

Anyone who knows me knows I am one ridiculously honest person.

Except for to myself and in not releasing my own pain into the wind.

Which, now, I am doing.  And it's beautiful and hard as hell.  But my goodness, the joy that continues to flood in is more over powering and staggering than any grief I have ever felt.

Snagged from the web-not my intellectual  property!

And now I get a chance at being the light that cannot be extinguished.  The opposition of this moment is just energy.  It's JUST opposition.  I've been getting all of ME put together better during the last 4 years and have been on an amazing path and my life has changed in the most astounding and delicious of ways.  I am literally living the life I am supposed to be living.  What a blessing!

So what's with the cancer shit that's come flinging my way during all my bliss??  Are you kidding?

It's just opposition.  Opposition comes when we are totally on track.  Some would label opposition as the Devil trying to block our happiness.  Some would say bad karma.  To me, opposition means all of these things.

There are terrifying moments ahead, with getting surgery and such.  Oh dear God. Terrifying.  Still wrapping my head around being put "under..." Ick.

But, in the end, it's just opposition... And it's up to me to hold strongly to my torch and keep walking through the quagmire and not let my light be extinguished.

It's up to all of us.  We shall all carry torches of light to keep our own lives illuminated and illuminate others who are in a momentary shadow.

Peace

Michelle Tomlinson

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